This is the story of how I discovered that furniture restoration is not my calling.
Meet Gertrude. We inherited little old Gertie with the purchase of our little old house. She is indeed very very old, but has such nice bones, doesn’t she? Well, I decided she needed a second (or maybe third or fourth) life as my fold-away art office while I’m waiting for my atelier to surface from the long list of house renovations where it’s been buried ’til God-knows-when.
I explained to Trudy that as my office, she would hold a very visible place in our household, and so we would need to freshen her up a bit. She balked in her flaking blue, yellow, and brown “provence-chic” make-up and bit my fingers when I attempted to remove her rusty hinged doors. Next she rolled her eyes and hurled superlatives loud enough to offend the neighbors as I tried sanding her make-up off. I understood pretty quickly that this was to be no quick win.
It has taken me nearly a month of coaxing, with promises of a slick-yet-age-appropriate new look and all the accoutrements (not to mention the eleventy billion gallons of paint thinning gel and elbow grease), to finally rid her of the 4+ layers of kitsch crackle paint. (Side note to you DIYers: do not ever. EVER. Evereverevereverever use crackle paint on wood if there’s a chance that you, or some future owner, might change taste in decor. As the crackle element eats all the way down to the wood, it makes painting over it impossible. You’re welcome.) She and the weather fought me tooth and nail, clinging to every last layer. And dammit if her slightly smaller twin brother, who has only one coat of paint, didn’t stand beside us the whole time, shedding his paint with no assistance at all aside from the outdoor elements, taunting me and chiding me for having chosen the wrong sibling for my makeover project…
So here we are. In the end, I think Trudy is quite proud of her new look and accessories, though she certainly won’t admit it. She works tirelessly during the day, and folds away my mess at night, looking for all the world like the classy dame she is.
Now about that brother of hers…